Week 5 – AIC – L(a)unch Time

====================== 1:30pm April 7, 2013

so far…

Our lines entangled
Eyes were hooked
You love me
I love you back

Stormy seas
Sharks want such pretty things
You loved me?
Can you see?
I’d love you back

You’re on safe ground
I love your laugh
Homeward bound
I love you back

Step away, step back.

Clearly, drop “you’re” and go with “Back on safe ground”. Cute! There’s a “back” bracketing each end of V3.

Back on safe ground
I love your laugh
Homeward bound
I love you back

I like that it’s reducing itself. Nice and simple. And, it’s no longer Pike Place Market – the fish / sea metaphor keeps blinking in out, but it ain’t stinking the joint up too heavily.

Stop for lunch.

I’m verging on saying the above needs to go from the keyboard to the fretboard already. Maybe a quick stress analysis, which should help me hang my so-called voice, then onward and upward…

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