Week 5 – AIC – OH NO! Lost at sea? Throw me a life preserver!

================================= 3:20pm April 7, 2013

A post-lunch review of the requirements for this assignment show that I’m breaking a few rules – the rhyme scheme is not the same in each verse and the number of lines is not the same in each verse.

I’ve been flowing down the idea development path – the boxes, metaphor, etc.

So, do I choose to lose some marks, or do I choose to do the assignment to the letter?

Here’s what I’ve got now:

Our lines entangled
Eyes were hooked
You love me
I love you back

Stormy seas
Sharks want such pretty things
You loved me?
Can you see?
I’d love you back

You’re on safe ground
I love your laugh
Homeward bound
I love you back

Here’s a cleanup that makes the # of lines the same

Our lines entangled
Eyes were hooked
You love me
I love you back

Stormy seas
Sharks want such pretty things
Can you see?
I’d love you back

You’re on safe ground
I love your laugh
Homeward bound
I love you back

And here’s a cleanup of the rhyme scheme. The scheme is XXXX (no rhyme):

Our lines intertwined
Eyes were hooked
You love me
I love you back

Ocean storms
Sharks want such pretty things
Can you see?
I’d love you back

Back on safe soil
Sun-dried eyes
Homeward bound
I love you back

I consciously removed the ABAB rhyme in V3, and, I removed the non-rhyme “seas” and “see”, just to be sure. And, I removed any hint of rhyme in V1 lines 1 and 4.

I’m going to have to insert an explanation of the rhyme scheme, that XXXX *is* a rhyme scheme and that it took work to make it so in every verse. [It makes me laugh to have someone tell me that they hate rhyme, then show me a song containing hints of near-rhyme, because they didn’t study rhyme enough.]

If I were to re-start this exercise, I would pick a title with better rhyming possibilities, i.e. literally look up the rhymes in a rhyming dictionary before settling on a title. Who knows, I may bail and start again, I could put this on the unfinished pile for after the course…

A re-visit to the rhyming dictionary turns up some more far-rhymes for “back”:

soundtrack
one-track
Cadillac
Pontiac
homicidal maniac
trap
map
scrapped
flat
enwrap
entrap
roadmap
unwrapped
tract
laughed
contact
extract
sidetracked
hijacked
detract
entrapped
grass
classed
mast
passed
path
drawbacks
life rafts
collapse
elapse
wineglass
steadfast
trespassed
fly-cast
windblast
forecast
unscratched
detached
artifacts
telegraph
reattach

Now, that I have a good idea where the song is going, can I change every second line to far-rhyme with “back”???

Our lines intertwined
Eyes hooked, enwrapped
You love me
I love you back

Ocean storms
Sharks in the path
Can you see?
I’d love you back

Homeward bound
I love your laugh
Sun-dried eyes
I love you back

Hah, how about that? The answer is “yes” I can. The mark-grovelling student is back.

Now, let’s see how the stresses look:

Our /lines inter/twined
Eyes /hooked, en/wrapped
/You love /me
I /love you /back

/Ocean /storms
/Sharks in the /path
/Can you /see?
I’d /love you /back

/Homeward /bound
I /love your /laugh
/Sun-dried /eyes
I /love you /back

That’s convenient. 2 stresses in each line.

Just speaking it, I get a sense of 3/4 (waltz) time.

Ah, better yet – cast it into 6/8 time – reminiscent of sea shanties.

Do I need a chorus or a bridge?

Let’s see what the fretboard says…

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